Yesterday I began to feel myself practically bouncing off the walls – completely electric with energy.

Buzzed and electrocuted. Invincible power flowing through me. Capable of anything and everything. Unstoppable.

This is not my normal modus operandi.

If you see my Human Design bodygraph, as a classic splenic projector I’ve got no defined energy motor. In other words, there’s no natural energetic motivation in me.

None. Zero. Zilch.

Translation? My natural self is the proverbial sloth. Hardly moving. Just being.

This creature called Abeth is simply a filter of the energy coming in from the outside. A filter, and, oh yes, an amplifier.

Days like this are when this becomes so obvious.

The amplification of motorized energy. Hence the wall bouncing.

So what happened to bring this on?
The transit field at the moment – for the next week, actually – includes two very powerful channels from the root:
54/32 The Channel of Transformation, A Design of Being Driven
53/42 The Channel of Maturation, Design of Balanced Development

What am I feeling all of a sudden that isn’t part of my natural self?

~ Being driven to begin a new cycle of something transformative.
~ The need to transform an old project and take it somewhere more ambitious.
~ Desire to have a new cycle of experience for ambitious growth which could bring transformation to people I support or who support me.
~ Ambition to get somewhere which will satisfy a desire for internal transformation – of myself and others around me.
~ A push to develop and mature a supportive project which will satisfy a desire for a transformative and healthy feel-good experience.

There’s a lot of pressure of excitement, desire, and need running through me at the moment and the smell in the air is of the possibility of something happening that could feel really good.

The beauty of being non-energized is the opportunity to watch and witness the juxtaposition of life with no access to energy and then with sudden access to energy, like what is currently happening.

I get the chance to experience to a degree what it feels like to be a sacral being – to be a generator. In this particular case, to be a very powerful pressurized generator.

It’s a feeling of being magically powerful – capable of doing many beautiful and satisfying things.

There’s an inherent charisma and magic in the sacral center, and the unique possibility for generators to both experience and transmit that frequency. They bring so much juice – they are the force of life itself.

Putting on those clothes for a few days gives me the gift of feeling into the possibility of generative power and seeing that potential. It’s just so magically beautiful.

And now, with awareness that has come through the knowledge of Human Design, I can recognize that everything I’m feeling at the moment is simply not me. It’s borrowed. It’s on loan, this energy that I’m using. Life has brought this slothful creature called Abeth some moments of getting things done and the possibility of moving towards the potential of a new ambitious cycle – or not.

I can witness what’s happening and not identify with it.

Because it will leave. Oh, it certainly will. As suddenly as it all came on and sent me reeling and bouncing off the walls, it will disappear and leave me with a certain sense of emptiness – of having been filled up and then drained.

In the blink of an eye I will go from powerfully charismatic back to peacefully quiet and still.

Those moments do often feel like death. The energy animating me is withdrawn. And there’s no choice in that. There’s no chasing after it or making it stay, though in the past I’d try – grasping and whining and moaning that it was gone, that something seemed to be wrong with me.

However, now I can recognize and appreciate that it was merely a magical visitor, a ship passing in the night. Bringing the gift of pushing some kind of process along to get some things done, and then leaving me to float again in the quiet frequency of simply being and seeing.

The true gift in all of this IS the seeing. I see the have and I see the have not. Unlike a sacral being, i.e. a generator or manifesting generator, a projector like me gets to experience both sides of life. I have the possibility to partake in the doing, here and there. I get to feel what it’s like to sense power inside me. Power to connect and build and do and partake in the force of life.

Then I get to experience life with no buzz. No doing. Just watching the doing.
This juxtaposition is something no sacral being will ever know. They will only ever know being enveloped in their own powerful energy – either using it well or abusing it terribly – either satisfied or frustrated. But always enveloped in it. Always enveloped in their own self, their own potential power, their own life force.

A projector can go in and feel that in many different flavors, and then come back out and be apart. There’s a real beauty to that. The beauty is in the witnessing of the contrast.

This all points to the utter helplessness and choicelessness of life. Life is a wave.
Osho wrote in When the Shoe Fits: “Life cannot be planned. It is an unplanned flood.”

A wave, a flood. Is there any choice in the face of that kind of energy?

Days like this make that truth so blatantly obvious. I see the flood – I feel the flood. I’m carried along on the flood. And then will be dropped off again.

There’s a force that’s moving life and all we can do is just hold on and go for the ride. We are helpless in this. Utterly helpless.
I see that now. I’m seeing that more and more.

There’s no choice but to surrender.